Have I mentioned that I’m studying?
And that it makes me stabby?
And that it reminds me how when I’m feeling like this, through these very stabby-coloured glasses, everyone’s behaviour in this house fails to make the grade?
I went to graduate school, once upon eons ago. When we were told we were not likely able to have children I decided to birth a Master’s degree. Enroute, two babies were born, some trauma managed, and three leaves of absence later – and about eight years – I finished. Then there were licensing exams and the study that went into those. Throughout it all…studying for things made me feel frustrated, time-pressed, anxious, and hyper critical. Especially of my husband. Cuz after all you can’t really blame a toddler or two for not understanding the limits of your endurance right? And the show must go on.
Through my stabby-coloured glasses, can nobody see that a washing machine was made for laundry to be done? And done, means switched into the dryer as well as folded and put away. Can nobody get the bloody dishes the two inches from the counter top into the dishwasher? Seriously, people, what is the aversion against tidying here? Can nobody get up on freaking time, the first time an alarm goes off, and leave me in blessed peace? Is that too. much. to. ask?
That Nobody is a big pain in the glutes. And I only really see him through my stabby-coloured glasses. The rest of the time he has a name – G. Sometimes now my close to adult children look just like Nobody too. It blows me away how resentful and irritated I can feel when I see Nobody around here.
But it’s really about me. I should take off the glasses. Or stop studying. Or both.
Do you ever see Nobody in your house? Does it strain your love relationships in your family?
PS. Just so you know, G has been incredibly supportive of every goal I’ve set that has taken time in studying. He has celebrated every success. I didn’t always understand that I saw the world differently when I was pushed to my limit, especially when our kids were small. He withstood a lot of cold shoulders and tense silences while I was learning this little gem. I made him feel “not enough” more times than I care to admit. I may have done it again this week