As Valentine’s Day swings around yet again, this latest draw from the Memento Box is timely (note – that’s not my handwriting):
Fortunately for me, M wrote on the back that the year was 2003 and that she was home sick with the flu when the roses were delivered. Fortunately, I say, because this doesn’t trigger a memory for me at all! Yes, yes…I know. This is rather pathetic. Yet while I can’t write about it specifically, I can describe for you what I think of Valentine’s Day. And the text on this item typifies it for me.
You see, I don’t think much of Valentine’s Day. While some have a particular hate-on for this occasion as being contrived by Hallmark to boost card sales or others marketing chocolates or flowers, my reasons are fairly simple. Love for me is not to be caged or confined to one day of the year. Not only that, but the sheer nature of having the calendar dictate to me when such an important sentiment be expressed to the one I love is plain wrong to me.
Valentine's Day courtesy xkcd.com
But, you may ask, “Is love not worthy of celebration?” or “Is it wrong to express love for that special someone on Valentine’s Day?”. Love is worthy and it is never wrong to express love. But here’s the thing for me: having an official day to celebrate love minimizes the value and potential of the other 364 days of the year (worse on leap years!). Additionally, I feel that it contributes to an acceptance, by some, of taking love and intimate others for granted for the balance of the year. In my view, love should not be a suit you put on once a year but the jeans you wear regularly (substitute your favourite piece of clothing here).
So why do we, or should we, express or celebrate love? I expect each of us in a relationship would have a different answer to this question. For me, love is a quilt, the patches of which are comprised of commitment, loyalty, attraction, faithfulness, appreciation, passion, intimacy, the willingness to compromise, selflessness, and yes, even friendship. As such, letting M know when one or more of these “patches” or the whole “quilt” is on my mind is one way to celebrate our love. Sometimes I speak it. Sometimes I express it through flowers or a card. Sometimes it is expressed between us simply by quietly being together. Frankly, when I dwell on it some, there are many, many ways we show our love of one another.
The take away here is this: If you feel love and appreciation for your significant other, don’t keep it to yourself or save it up for that one special day. Your expression has the power to not only strengthen your relationship but will also may the other person feel a deep sense of value. They will know that the sacrifices they make for you matter; that you are interested in the quality of your relationship together. And while you can’t make the other person return such an expression, the likelihood of them doing so if they love you in kind will increase.
Don’t wait for the suit. Put your jeans on today.
(Check out M’s post on this item, “Flowers…Not for Valentine’s Day” from the Memento Box for her perspective!)
Gary,
You are absolutely right. Love should be word/expressed/shared everyday of the year – in many different ways.
And you, sir, are a romantic. Even if you don’t remember sending those flowers, you sent them. Two days early. Sweet.
LOL! Thanks Mel! I’m not as romantically spontaneous as I would like to be…always room for improvement
Well put, Gary!
The fact that Mary would note the details of the day on the back of the card speaks to your “team” approach to love and life together. Together you make a lovely story!
Keep writing!
She is organized that way. Always has been
Thanks for your comment and encouragement!
Well, I was a little off on how much you detest the marketing machine…though I still think that is pretty correct. I was happy I identified how much you disliked being told when to express love and that it allowed people to pay less attention the other days. I LOVE the imagery of the quilt and its many patches. So eloquent, my dear. And this perspective tandem writing is FUN.
Thanks for being patient with me…it is FUN
PS. I want t a picture instead of a little lego head…You could give me that for Valentine’s day…
HAHAHAHA! Ok…Will do. For when I forget later, it’s via gravatar.com.
You are the BEST TEAM I know – all around! xo
Thanks Dianne. Thanks for encouraging us in this little project of ours. The support is much appreciated.
Thanks Dianne!
I have long felt the same way. Thanks for sharing, Gary.
And, as you can see by my previous post, I totally get it. And I’m sure your lovely wife can understand as well. Thanks for commenting.
Thanks for saying so Tariq. We married some pretty amazing women. Good to show how we feel more often
Valentine’s Day is my… um, third(?) favourite day of the year. Or maybe it is tied for second with Thanksgiving. I absolutely could never be a Valentine’s day hater though, because, like it or not, it is also my birthday.
So I’ve embraced the day. I try not to approach it with too many expectations (although piling a romantic holiday on top of a birthday has led me to feeling disappointed more than once) and I quite honestly love the day.
Although I agree with you 100% Gary that loving someone should be an everyday sort of thing, I don’t believe that V-day diminishes that. I think, within the context of a relationship, V-day reminds us to show love to the other person. Because, I am sure, like you and I and Mary and every other married person knows, sometimes we fail at showing love. Sometimes we suck at actively loving our partner, because life gets in the way or emotions cloud our vision or we are stuck in a cycle of selfishly desiring love instead of being the one who loves. So how wonderful is it that at least once a year (because anniversaries are also a great reminder), something chubby and diapered shoots an arrow right into our relationships and reminds us to step up the lovin’. Even if we’re our marriages are rocking at the moment, it never hurts to try a little harder to show the people in our lives how much we love them.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean that we only show love one day a year. Valentine’s Day reminds us TO be better lovers (in all sense of that word) every day. Sometimes we don’t need a reminder. But sometimes we do.
(Ahem. Sorry for writing so much… And now I’m going to copy and paste this into my blog! HA!)
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