So the calendar is about to turn to May. Each year for the last eleven, the beginning of this new month of spring has been coloured with one of the worst memories of my life. You might think that this would be the memory of my father being terminally ill with Stage IV lung cancer and that really did suck, but that wasn’t the worst thing about the month of May. Nope this had to do with these:
Pine Nuts
Look pretty innocent you say? Seems like a healthy snack food choice right? I’m with ya – I thought so too. Until the shocking reality of anaphylactic shock dropped right into our lives.
Now, I was the kind of mother who held a lot of stock in good nutrition. As my kids say, I believed in trying “that weird healthy crap”. No dunkaroos for this mom. Not that I personally have anything against those yummy looking snack foods – except that they are full of sugar, additives, and zero nutritive value. Now a pine nut? Now that is a good snack food. Would it really kill you to try it? Well, yes actually, it might.
My little man was five at the time and joined me in trying a couple of these little beauties on a lovely spring day after school. When, within the blink of an eye, he rounded his way back into the kitchen retching and looking very odd I may have impatiently said something like, “if you don’t prefer them just spit them out.” Because I am empathetic and attentive and all.
But this was like nothing I’d ever seen before. His frantically repeated, “something’s wrong with me” was the soundtrack of his body progressing rapidly through the signs of anaphylaxis. Swelling lips, tongue, face, reddening of the skin, wheezing, vomiting, and eventually losing his ability to speak and to stay conscious. Somewhere in there I managed to call 911. At some point, my brain realized that we were in serious trouble, and when he went limp in my arms and lost control of his bodily functions the reality that he might be dying hit me full force. Somehow I managed to send our daughter out to wait for the firefighters – a part of me aware that I was on the brink of hysteria and wanting to keep her from the trauma of witnessing what seemed about to happen. At that moment, I prayed the most fervent prayer of my life: “God I can do a lot of things but I cannot lose this child. Please”. As the plea left my lips the boot of the first firefighter crossed the threshold of our door and I offered that unresponsive little body into the hands of help. The reel of that time from pine nut to paramedic plays in my mind in slow motion – the longest seven minutes of my life.
We were rushed to the hospital where things played out like something from ER. Only I think they cast the mother role poorly. Personally, I could have done without. As we burst through the trauma/resuscitation room doors and the doctor wrote information on a bedsheet as the paramedics updated him and he simultaneously barked orders, part of me wanted to chime in “Stat!” cuz that seemed important right?
Watching my little boy come back to me as each symptom subsided in almost the exact reverse order in which it had appeared was indescribable. Eleven years later I still look at him some days and am filled with gratitude that we all lived through the shock.
M
PS. I should have linked you to more information and support. Go to Anaphylaxis Canada to learn more.
Wow. That’s terrifying. Can’t imagine those seven minutes. Must have been agonizing.
So glad the firefighters got there when they did.
I actually think the memory of it is more agonizing because at the time I was just so IN it. It was terrifying. It makes me realize how things can change in a moment. I am so glad they got there when they did too. Thanks Pam.
So relieved Colin was okay that day. Thank you for making me feel thankful.
I too had an experience with a nut allergy with my first son when he was just a year old. It wasn’t quite as scary as yours,but still upsetting.
thanks Laura. I am thankful for him as I watch him grow – I feel particularly blessed. I think any allergic reaction with our kids is upsetting. I’m glad your little man was ok too. We have had a couple of other less impressive exposures which were difficult but not nearly at this level. And at least I knew what we were dealing with, had an epipen, and a plan.
I absolutely can’t imagine going through something like that. As mothers, our hearts stop even when something minor happens. The other day, Cameron decided to test out disobedience and started running towards the road instead of towards our house while I was getting him out of the car. He just looked at me, smiled, and kept going when I called for him to stop.
I am pretty sure no one has ever seen a 40 week pregnant woman drop her stuff and run so fast.
I pray I NEVER have to go through something like this. So thankful God answered your prayer in the moment!
I would have LOVED to see you run! But I know what you mean about those ‘heart in your throat’ moments Of motherhood. Another time I will post about the time our daughter was hit by a car…
Son No. 1 has allergies – when he was first diagnosed it was to dairy, eggs, wheat, peanuts, tree nuts and shellfish. I am so grateful that we have never had an anaphylaxic reaction. I can’t imagine what it felt like for you. And I know as a mother I would replay that moment again and again and again.
I’m very glad you never have experienced that, and also glad that you are aware of the allergies before a crisis happens. We have had two other exposures that resulted in hospital trips but not nearly as severe or frightening, and we had epipens by then. We are fortunate that avoidance is limited to tree nuts – yours are much more challenging. Thanks for sharing.
Oh my M!!! What a truly scary moment in your life. I pray that you nor anyone else has to relive a moment like that.
Thanks Anna – me too. We have learned to manage allergies, and the life-threatening risk, with relative ease and normalcy. We were initiated traumatically but we have adjusted over time and made it through the various developmental changes and challenges that this type of allergy brings with it. We count our blessings.
Oh wow! I have shivers reading this. So scary to think something so innocuous looking could cause such a severe reaction. Thankfully you reacted so well and help arrived quickly.
Thanks Kat. It is unbelievable to watch how quickly something so innocent can become such a threat. I am still grateful that I had some idea what anaphylaxis was and that this was what I was seeing. At the time, not all crews had epinephrine. Because I identified it we got a paramedic crew equipped. I shudder to think of the outcome had I been unable to describe what was happening. Thankfully, all crews now carry at least epipens.
WHOA – so frightening Mary! Did he grow out this allergy or is it for life??
Sadly, he has not had any change in his reactivity. We have blood IgE testing done to keep track of severity. On the up side he, avoidance of other tree nuts has helped him not develop more nut allergies so he only has one serious culprit.
Am clutching my own heart, reading this. WOW, Mama….what an incredible retelling of a truly awful experience. I’m sorry that you both had to live through it, even as I am so very glad that he did. Hugs.
Now you made MY throat ache. Another parent can imagine the truly awful nature of that day. He has been made even more precious to us in that we understood how very lucky we were to be allowed to keep him.
Holy. Cow. I felt my heart race for you reading this. Well, for you and a little for me. I know that horrible, sickening feeling. The paramedics and the terror. So hard to describe, but you did it so well. I’m so glad your son was okay. xo
“The paramedics and the terror” is a phrase that strikes fear. Sorry you have had that experience but so glad for positive outcomes and emergency crews that respond when we need help.